Dear Santa...

I would like some freakin health insurance! Possibly even a second job!

Get on that, yes?

Heart, stars, and horseshoes...

-Natalia

On This MASSIVE Reading List

While I may gripe about my coat check job, one of the perks about it is that I get to read...a lot.
Below is a list of the books I have read:

This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald
A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan
The Little Book by Selden Edwards
Stigma by Erving Goffman
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Snow by Orhan Pamuk
Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer
The Watchmen by Alan Moore
The Sandman, part 1 by Neil Gaiman
American Gods by Neil Gaiman
Love is a Mix Tape by Rob Sheffield
The Stranger by Albert Camus
The Chinchilla Farm by Judith Freeman
Desolation Angels by Jack Kerouac
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

Right now I'm re-reading Talal Asad's Formation of the Secular, which due to the nature of the job, was probably a bad choice. With that, I ask for recommendations. (Note: No Hemingway. No more Hemingway. You recommend him and I swear I will beat you and leave you to die...in the rain).

On the Fact That Momma Said to Knock You Three Ways to Sunday, and That's What I Intend to

This past weekend was miserable. WHY?? Here's why:



So Friday was First Fridays, the event which is pretty much just booze, sluts, and art. We're required to sell tickets to this deal. Fortunately I can escape by working the store and just checking that people are either on the guest list or bought tickets in advance. THIS Friday we were 1) understaffed 2) overcrowded 3) cold (this may have not been a big deal, but I figured I should add it to the list). For some strange reason, women were trying to flirt with me just to get in for free!! SO MUCH CLEAVAGE IN MY FACE!! So traumatizing. Guys were also trying to hit on me, but it was more so I could tell them where the food was.

Then it got worse...

Not only was it Family Day on Saturday (the same event that previously had the Target Dog), but there were two very large UNANNOUNCED tour groups visiting the museum. Usual policy: large groups like school trips and what not usually warn us beforehand so we can accommodate them. Clearly these groups did not get the memo, so we had to deal with them PLUS the screaming children. The coat room was full AN HOUR after opening! There were three of us in there and we still couldn't deal with the masses! By the time I got to my lunch break, it looked like I had just survived a traumatic event.

On the plus side, pizza was added to the strange tips list. Yay to free pizza.

It's That Time of the Year Again

That's right. It's Halloween.

Ladies, you know what this means.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Now where's my sexy Abe Lincoln costume?

On Why None of This Makes Sense

Loyola University turned me down for a position that was pretty much the job I had for four years.

The

Fuck

No, really, what more did they want from me?? They made me go through a TWO HOUR interview. And then they send me a "Sucks to be you, I hope you like being unemployed" email (who sends a rejection EMAIL?? What are they, the bad ex-boyfriends of Human Resources??)

God

Damn

Everything.

On the plus side (in theory), I started canvassing for Planned Parenthood tonight. While I doubt it will last past the election, it will be nice to have both karma points and extra income for awhile.

Now if only people were willing to help my cause and give me donations.

On the Voiceless, the Target Dog That Tried to Maul Me, and the Free Book

Let's discuss the many strange events that have occurred during my shifts at the MCA.

*Two weekends ago Chicago saw the middle of the flu/cold epidemic. And when that usually happens, I end up getting it and losing my voice as a bonus. This year was no different...

Except it happened during my work shift... the weekend that I was by myself... and it was somewhat busy.

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't had to actually talk to the patrons... but then I remembered that the top three questions we get in the coat room that can't be answered with just head nods are "Where's the bathroom?", "What galleries are open?" and "Is photography allowed?" (You think the last one is a simple yes or no. How wrong you were, my friend).

So the result was a mute me, with the assistance of signs and hand signals, having to deal with patrons. Patrons who at times can be complete ass-hats (example: the woman who kept getting mad over that fact that I wouldn't talk loud enough to answer her question and thought I was doing it on purpose).

Painful? Yes.
Productive? No.
Hilarious? Absolutely.

*This past Saturday was the first of our Target Family Days, in which families with kids under 12 get in for free and do family friendly activities (which sadly does not include seeing Kara Walker). As it is sponsored by Target, Target decided to send in someone to dress up as their mascot: the Target Dog.

So a museum full of screaming children+one poor person in a dog costume=one HORRIFYING Saturday. How much more horrifying could it be? (Actually, "poor" is a lie. That worker got to stay at the Drake).

As I was walking back from my lunch break, I had to walk around the crowd of children circling the dog-person. Unfortunately, the dog-person noticed me (or caught my scent...WHO KNOWS) and decided to try to wave at me with its paws two inches away from my face. That's right, the Target Dog tried to maul my face off with its big fake paws, causing much panic as well as violating the sacred TOUCH BUBBLE law!

As it is my luck, Family day happens every month, which means MORE ATTACKS FROM THE TARGET DOG!

*Sunday my co-worker and I were working the coat room when a woman with luggage came to check in her stuff.

"So have either of you read 'The Little Book'?"
"No ma'am, can't say I have."
"I can't get into it. I don't want it. You have it."
"Um... what?"
"Think of this as my tip for you."
"uh... thanks?"

This woman left a book. A not so exciting book either (with Time Warp! And Freud! and Little Hitler! And Sex with your Grandma!), but that's besides the point. Who gives away a book??? And as a tip?? (This almost matches that time Juanita got the Blue Album as a tip once). I don't think I violated anything for taking it, but still, REALLY???

I think this needs to be a new trend.

On a Few Things Considered (or as much as our budget lets us)

*I had a run in that was pretty much Craigslist worthy yesterday. Let me actually describe it as if I was going to post it on Missed Connections:

You: Cute Bicyclist in Black. Me: The Girl You Almost Killed (w4m)

You almost ran me over with your bike last night on the corner of Michigan and Chicago. But then again, it WAS my fault. I mean, who stands on the actual street when the stupid little red hand is lit?? I'm amazed the typical Midwestern driver didn't run me over, yell at me, then continue on their way, leaving me for dead. But instead, you almost hit me. And instead of hitting me, you stopped and almost fell of your bike, Mr Rider in Black Armor. And instead of yelling at me, you said it was ok and was quite calm about it. And instead of giving you my number (AS I SHOULD OF), I pretty much yelled "SORRY SORRY SORRY I AM SOOOOOOOO SORRY!!!" and ran away. So yes, Mr. Rider, let me make it up to you. How about coffee (or tea, or booze) and show you that I'm not some ditzy girl who can't cross the
street without issues.

So yeah, a cute guy almost ran me over. At least it wasn't a car, which could have been more problematic.

*Michael and I are doing a "Say It Ain't So, Joe (Biden)!/Sarah Palin Killed My Liver!" drinking game. If you don't hear from us tomorrow, we died from debate poisoning. Also, people can fight over who inherits my music collection.

*Because of AVClub's Taste Test and Nick & Brian, my need for bacon has grown. Which led to my recent discovery:

Walgreen sells bacon.

Yeah, I know. A little weird, and also a little awesome.